hello, my candy coated darling
by TheBigCat
Summary: Her skin is shining and fragile and delicate, and she might be made out of spun sugar, about to dissolve if you dropped her in water. She's beautiful and deadly and alluring and she keeps giggling in your head like she's thought of something absolutely hilarious that she refuses to share with you.


_(HAPPY_ ** _BIRTHDAY TO ME._**

 _Ahem. Anyway. Since it's my birthday, I decided to post something entirely gratuitous that's been sitting around in my WIP folder for a while. I don't know why anybody would bother to read it, since pretty much nobody aside from me knows both of these fandoms. :P Enjoy?_

 _-Kitty)_

* * *

 **»** **Be Steel**

Your name is STEEL, and that's all you have to say about that, so there's no point asking any more.

You're currently on a strange planet that seems to be made out of crypts and helium- which is most definitely not Earth- and you seem to have lost track of your partner, SAPPHIRE- and no matter how much you call out to her, your words just echo back to you through your mental connection, sounding slightly taunting. You wouldn't admit it to anyone, least of all her, but at the moment, you're _worried._

You frown at the wall of the nearest crypt, resist the urge to kick it, and wander off pointedly into a direction that is no different to any other. This place, whatever it is, is strange. There are lights shining in the sky from tall towers, and occasionally a gust of wind sweeps through the helium balloons that are inexplicably hanging everywhere, causing them to rustle and then settle again. Sapphire would probably know how old this place is, and what you're doing here. That sort of thing isn't your speciality.

Here are the facts, as you know them:

One. Sapphire had sensed something odd about this place- something that had put her on edge and made her go strangely distant right up until the point when she had disappeared.

Two. Sapphire's disappearance _itself_ was rather strange- she didn't just fade out of existence in the normal way that you and she do, you had just- blinked, and she was gone, as if she had never been there in the first place.

Three. You're lost without her, and not metaphorically (although that might be part of it, just a bit- not very much, though)- you seem to be wandering in circles. It's irritating. It's very irritating. This would usually be the point when you'd start snapping at somebody, but there's nobody to snap at.

So, no people, no sense of direction, no signs of life, and no Sapphire.

You have a feeling it's going to be a very long day.

So there's nothing else to do except keep walking and keep on reaching out for her, calling her name in your head and hearing it bounce back to you, even more hollow every time you hear it. You pass so many balloons, hanging silently in the air and crypts that they all begin to blur together into colors and shapes.

[ _Please,_ Sapphire,] you try, and you almost jump (but you don't, because that's undignified) when you hear a faint giggle echoing through your head, airy and carefree. You freeze, and concentrate, trying to work out if it was just in your head or just your- well, imagination, although you've never pretended to have much of that, and you almost give it up as your mind playing tricks on you when you hear it again.

It might have been Sapphire, except Sapphire has never giggled like that.

[Sapphire, where are you?] you ask after a moment of uncharacteristic hesitation, and you hear her giggle again, ringing through your head all sweet and sour and _wrong,_ and then you hear her voice speaking aloud, and-

"I'm right behind you, Steel!" she laughs, and you spin around, ready to ask her just what she thinks she's playing at but then you stop because for the first you can remember in several hundred years, you're shocked. You're shocked because of _her_ , no less, because-

It might have been Sapphire, except Sapphire has never _looked_ like that.

Her dress is brightest azure blue, so bright that it hurts your eyes to look at, and what's worse, it keeps fading from that to sky blue and then back again, but so quickly that it's hard to pinpoint which color is which. Her hair's been changed somehow into a disgustingly cheerful shade of neon yellow that doesn't and shouldn't exist in nature, and there's little strings of colourful candy braided through parts of it that shift from sight when her hair moves.

Her eyes are flashing from blue to grey to blue to grey in an endless loop, and there's a disturbing, maniacal grin on her face that does _not_ belong there. She's floating in the air, bobbing up and down, and she's practically vibrating with energy, and you take a step towards her.

[Sapphire, snap out of it.]

In response, Sapphire starts giggling again, although not out loud, and the laughter bounces through your head, flashing in neon colors, even as she keeps talking, voice unnervingly high and pouring out of her candy-red lips like a flood of liquefied sugar. "Why would I want to snap out of it! Everything's so sweet, _sweet, SWEET!_ "

She practically screams the last word, and zips straight up into the air faster than you can see, leaving a trail of colors behind her that hang in the air for a moment before showing down, hissing as they hit the dirt and dissolve into wisps of vapour that smell like cotton candy. She rockets straight back down, bare feet hitting the ground with an echoing _thud_ that causes the nearby crypts to shake dangerously, and now her eyes are flashing quicker, with a look in them that you can't quite pin down.

"I don't have any _problems_ any more, Steel!" she exclaims, stepping forwards to stand closer to you, and although you usually don't mind her doing so, you take an instinctive step backwards because this isn't Sapphire anymore, her form's all wrong and twisted. Usually, the faint aroma of rain and old books and old caves surrounds her, but now all you can smell is blue raspberry and candy canes and sugar, sugar, _too much sugar._

It's not right at all, and the sickly sweet smell is almost overpowering.

[Stop this!] you snap. [You're stronger than this and you know it, Sapphire. Why-]

She springs forwards, trailing multicolored bubbles and lands with a giggle next to you, wrapping her arms around yours and twirling you around. Her dress is still flashing and it flares out around you both. "Oh, _Steel,_ you're always so _grumpy!_ Why can't you just be _happy,_ like me!"

"You're not Sapphire anymore," you say, trying to shake off her grip- it doesn't make sense that she's suddenly stronger than you, that's not right, you're relatively denser, and besides-

Her skin is shining and fragile and delicate, and she might be made out of spun sugar, about to dissolve if you dropped her in water. She's beautiful and deadly and alluring and she keeps giggling in your head like she's thought of something absolutely hilarious that she refuses to share with you.

"We're going to be together for _ever_ and _ever_ and _ever,_ aren't we?" she breathes into your ear, draping herself along your shoulders. She grips your arms with perfectly manicured fingernails, painted with liquorice allsorts and white icing, and twirls you around again, this time lifting you both into the air for a brief second. She laughs and laughs and laughs. "I know! We should quit this silly job of ours, Steel! I know it makes you unhappy, so why don't we stop? We can go find somewhere sunny to live and stay there for _ever_ and _ever_ and _ever_ , and if we're careful they'll _never_ find us!"

"We can't, Sapphire," you say, trying to stay patient with this creature, because snapping at it might put the real Sapphire in danger, and, well, that wouldn't be very responsible of you as a partner. "We have a job to do here. Don't you remember?"

She pouts, and her eyes flash blue for a second longer. "But it would make me _happy,_ Steel! Don't you want me to be happy? Don't _you_ want to be happy?" She loops her arms around you waist and clings to you, feet floating in the air behind her. "I love you, Steel, and I know you love me too! Why don't you just admit it?"

You can smell peppermint on her breath, cold and minty, and she inhales and exhales and it's changed to raspberry lemonade. She smells like a million candy stores, and it's almost overwhelming.

"Our concept of love is different to human love," you say flatly, twisting away from her. "You know that."

"You're ever so _boring!_ " the Sapphire-creature practically screams, stomping her foot petulantly. Colorful humbugs explode from the ground, showering around her. "Silver thinks so too! We both wish you'd stop being so silly and _stupid_ and _uptight,_ Steel!"

"This isn't _you,_ Sapphire," you say. "The real you would never say anything like this."

"Of course she wouldn't!" she says, and laughs loudly, the sound echoing loudly over the crypts and balloons like sugar pouring into a jar. "The old Sapphire was boring and uptight too! Now there's just me and everything's so _peachy!_ "

Internally, you're thinking furiously, mind throwing up plans and ideas and thoughts, but nothing that you can do alone would be able to do a single thing to help. There's only one person that can help now, and the thought makes you want to sigh, loudly and pointedly, in exasperation.

Sapphire has twined herself around you again, and she's still giggling in your head. It's putting you on edge, and maybe that's why you almost physically jerk in shock at the next words she says. "I know! We should get _married,_ Steel! And then we can both be so very _sweet_ together and we'll be together forever and ever like I told you!"

"Sapphire, that's _enough_ ," you say firmly, intending to push her away from you. You feel a slight jolt of unease when you realize that you can't. Up until now, you've only been considering the creature possessing Sapphire to be a mild annoyance, at most, but now you're beginning to realize that it's much more than that.

"Come on, Steel," she croons, and bends around you, flashing eyes boring into yours. "Kiss me and tell me you love me. Kiss me and then you'll feel the sugar running through your veins and you'll _understand,_ and we can run away and get married together!"

"Sapphire," you begin, but she's leaning forwards and she tastes like too much sugar and blue raspberries- you've never really understood why humans call such an abstract taste that doesn't really exist 'blue', blue doesn't taste like anything-

[I need you!] you bark into your mind, before you lose yourself completely, and the thought bounces off across the light years separating you and the one other person that could possibly help you in this situation.

And everything goes _sweet._

* * *

 **»** **Steel: Be Sapphire**

You can't be SAPPHIRE, because she's too busy being _peachy!_

* * *

 **»** **Well, be the other element instead**

You are now the other element.

Your name is SILVER, and you'd love to give more information about yourself, but- oh look, something shiny!

It was just a light in the sky?

Well, never mind. You can go examine it later.

As you were saying, your name is SILVER, and you're currently here at the behest of your most illustrious and, if truth be told, rather irritable working colleague, STEEL. It seems that he and his partner, the lovely and brilliant SAPPHIRE, have gotten themselves into a pinch, yet again, and are in desperate need of your services. Or something. You're not very clear on the details.

This place that you're in is very strange. It's nothing like Earth- helium balloons everywhere, floating off the ground, walkways spiralling everywhere from crypt to crypt and you just _bet_ there'd be some fascinating mechanics in that tower over there with the lights, it looks like it's connected to some sort of rig that changes depending on which color light is shining into the-

Focus. You're getting distracted again.

No sign of either Sapphire or Steel (a pity, they'd be a welcome sight in this dull, unsettling land), so you send out a quick mental message to them, and get nothing in response except for-

-giggling? Two people giggling. Well, that's not right at all; Steel would never do something as mundane and human as _giggling,_ and come to think of it, neither would Sapphire. It's just not in their nature. It's probably not Sapphire and Steel. It's almost definitely not Sapphire and Steel.

" _Silver!_ "

" _Silver!_ "

You hear their voices, both infused with an insanely upbeat, cheerful quality that doesn't fit at all, and turn around in that direction.

It's Sapphire and Steel.

Oh, dear lord.

Is that a _lollipop_ in Steel's hair? Honestly, that man has no sense of style- not to mention his hair's gone all green, you could probably recommend him a good conditioner to work that little problem out- and for some reason, they appear to be floating several feet off the ground, that's an interesting trick, you'll have to ask them about that when you all finish up here.

"Hello!" you say cheerfully, and start towards them. "I'm afraid I only just received your message, so I'm not prepared at all. I hope you don't need me for anything _too_ strenuous- I might disappoint you, and we wouldn't want that, would we?"

Sapphire darts forwards, and seizes your hands, beaming. "Steel and I are getting married! Wouldn't you like to come too?"

You bite back your immediate reaction, which is something along the lines of 'I can't believe it took you two this bloody _long_ ', and force yourself to play devil's advocate, because, judging by how bright and colourful they both look, they probably aren't in their right minds.

"A wedding?" you frown, at the same time noticing how fragile Sapphire's skin feels and how very red her lips are all of a sudden. There's something wrong here. Something very wrong. "A _human_ wedding?" You pause, and then add hastily, "not that that there's anything wrong with that!"

"Of course!" Steel exclaims. Oh dear. Steel never exclaims anything unless he's yelling at someone. "You should come and get married with us, Silver!"

You freeze. On the very long list of 'things that you'd never thought would ever come out of Steel's mouth', that didn't quite make the top, but only just barely.

"We really are rather fond of you, Silver," Sapphire adds, and you glance from her eyes to her dress, both of which are flashing various shades of the color blue. "It would be a shame to do something so important without you!"

"It's a very tempting offer," you admit, "but it's rather sudden, don't you think? What brought this on?"

"Oh, who _cares,_ " Sapphire laughs, wrapping her arms around you in a short, intense hug. You can feel her almost vibrating as she grips you tightly. It's very off-putting.

"Oh dear," you say softly as she draws back, digging into your pockets as subtly as you can. "-are you entirely certain about this?"

Their only response is giggling, which further solidifies your urge to get rid of whatever affliction it is that they have, as soon as possible. You end up pulling out several scraps of wire, a lightbulb that never seems to go away, and a short metal rod that you stole from a strange old alien several years ago. With quick fingers, you begin working the components together into a circuit.

"Ooh, what are you doing?" the thing that's inhabiting Sapphire asks eagerly, seating herself in mid-air behind you and beginning to bounce in her unconventional seat. "Something clever, I bet! You always _were_ the clever one, Silver!"

"That's very kind of you to say," you tell her, sparing her a glance. "But I'm afraid that you'd be bored before I even started."

"What _is_ it?" Steel chimes in, circling around you like an overexcited puppy. It's almost endearing, in a twisted sort of way.

You grimace. Very slightly. This is uncomfortable. "Er, let's just say- it'll bring you back to your right minds soon enough."

They both freeze, and everything is eerily silent for a second.

"Silver," says Sapphire, voice about as frosty as a cinnamon bun practically covered in the stuff.

You turn slowly, finished device in your hands. "Yes, Sapphire?"

She's frozen, mid-bob, face cold and hard all of a sudden, and a quick comparison with Steel confirms that he looks more-or-less the same.

"I don't want to go back to my right mind," she says, and it's soft, barely able to be heard, but there's an edge to it that's hard as, well, steel. It's incredibly dangerous somehow.

"Well," you say, with a lack of anything else to say. "What I meant to say is- er."

They leap at you.

You take a step back, and point the lightbulb at them, closing your eyes tightly.

Just before impact, it flashes, brighter than the sun.

* * *

 **»** **Silver: Be Sapphire**

You are now SAPPHIRE, and you're honestly feeling a bit too sticky and dazed to expand upon that statement.

"Well," you say, sitting up slowly. You cough, wiping traces of icing sugar from your arms, and your hair falls over your eyes. It's no longer the neon blonde of before, but it's still caked with sticky, minty residue and there are a couple of strings of candy still braided through it, although they're rapidly dissolving before your eyes. "That was certainly a unique experience."

Next to you, Steel groans something incoherent, and continues to lie on the ground, possibly trying to forget about the entire past hour. You can't exactly blame him.

[I trust you two are feeling slightly less… hyperactive?]

You glance sideways, and see Silver, who's sitting cross-legged in the middle of a mass of wires and components, one of the helium balloons hanging just over him. He looks preoccupied, but looks up and waves at you cheerfully.

"I wasn't sure how long you two would be out," he explains aloud, fiddling with two wires. "So I decided to experiment with the mechanics of this world." He touches them lightly together, and the balloon above him shoots directly upwards at a speed that shouldn't be possible with the gravity of the planet. He looks up, and an expression of delight crosses his face- Silver was always rather open with his emotions compared to you and Steel. "Fantastic, isn't it?"

"Fascinating," Steel says flatly, and sits up too, shaking confetti irritably out of his hair. "Will somebody please explain what just happened?"

"You two looked as if you had just stumbled into a sweetshop," Silver volunteers brightly.

"It _felt_ as if I had just stumbled into a sweetshop. I hate sweetshops." Steel brushes himself down in a very stiff manner, and turns to you. "Where is the trigger?"

You wince, close your eyes, and delve into the maze of complex colors and sensations that is Time, combing your mental fingers across the strands in the area that you're in. It takes you a few seconds to run a full search, and when you're done you do it again, rechecking everything just to be sure.

"It's gone," you say, opening your eyes. "It moved on from this world shortly after we… well, came to our senses."

"Gone?" Steel asks. "Completely gone?"

"Completely," you assure him, and clap a hand to your mouth as an unwilling yawn forces its way out.

"You look exhausted," says Silver, and immediately drops his project, at your side in an instant. "Most unlike you."

"Is it?" You stifle another yawn. "I suppose it is."

"We should leave," says Steel, flat and direct as always. But he's right.

It's time to go.

 **»** **Sapphire: Abscond**

You do so, with great pleasure. There's nothing more to do here.

The three of you fade away, leaving nothing but the sound of wind between the crypts and the smell of sugar in the air behind you.

* * *

 _(alternate title: the one where Sapphire is literal rock candy)_


End file.
